Death

yesterday was a sad day indeed
one of my friend's brother from my chirstian fellowship passed away in an accident
the brother was also an ex-KML student who study in last badge
and this guy according to our lecturer who lead the fellowship, Mr James was a very very devoted christian
the deceased was also a very hard gang of our seniors within the fellowship
somehow everybody seems to be shocked by the news and the atmosphere was so down during the fellowship
when we sing the songs of worship everybody seems to cry out for comfort to come upon us and our friend whose brother passed away
well after the worship, Mr James juz share all the experience that he and the deceased had
its juz wonderful to have such student but suddenly he is juz gone
then we have some refreshment prepared by the lecturer's wife
then the senior start sharing all their experience
then all of such start sharing too
surprisingly in the fellowship have similar experience of losing their love ones. their siblings, mothers, aunties and so on
somehow everybody becomes emotional
wonder why God take all these good people so early
all these bring me to the almost similar memories that i have few year back
those miri people who served in our church but on their way bek God take them away
i shared God won't let death happened juz like that
God always has His purpose
eventhough u might not see it now but God's plan is always the best
After those who die in the accident few years back
their famil members became stronger and stronger in Christ
their relatives come to know Christ
I still remember a pastor who shared
when the pastor's younger brother passed away as a small but strong christian
his family come to know Christ
twenty years later his father dies, but then his relatives start coming to Christ
Why it is so
by human thinking, people will think
Hey, who is this God who can't even protect His own believers
But in reality the opposite happens
till now i still can't understand why is it so
I can only say, God, how amazing are Your ways
and i really thank God
last night is the first night i start to feel the warmth that lies within the fellowship
everyone start to share something close to their hearts and give each other encouragements
though i really miss all of my church gangs bek in sarikei
but thank God is building another gang for me here
i am really grateful
but of course i will be here for only bout a little more than half year
i really pray i will find another great big family of God like here and in sarikei too when i go to uni
and also my best friend too will find hers too.
that all's
Juz remember our God is the God of everything inculding death
be strong and have faith in Him

Frustrated

Sometimes it really difficult to believe that God ask u to believe in
Each and every time when things happens, even the small small one
i would juz stumble
Many at times i ask God is wat U ask me to believe in still relevant
or is it all the past times wat i believe in juz come from my own
But things certainly doesn't goes that way
WHY??
Immediately after i ask that question other events will juz happen and restore my faith
is not juz one or two times
there are juz too many for me to deny it
but i really hope wat i believe in will one day come true
there are juz too much hope i put in it
each time i stumble
i rise up again to put more and more faith in it
Sometimes i am really afraid if wat i wish for won't come true
I may have strong faith but when things happen my heart is juz so weak
i hate going through those moment
i try my best to avoid and shorten it
but wat to do
it's my weakness
Everything around me juz seems prefect
i got very blessed and loving family
not juz my family, those relatives are extremely good to me
i heard lots and lots of stories and complaints about their grandparents and relatives from my friends
but when it comes to me i got none
in fact they will volunteer to help even without me asking for those
my family too quite wealthy
i can get almost anything i need as long as i ask for it
myself good in studies
many friends
and there are many too whom i can trust and will always be willing to help me
i can further my studies with funding from gov eventhough my family earn well
but in spite of all these
there are this small little weakness that has haunt me for years
i dunno how many years its going to haunt me and i know God has provided the best for me
but its juz suffering to wait for years
but again that's the reason my faith grow
that's the reason i put my trust in Him
that's how He guard me
Haiz...
I juz can't get it
i get down-hearted so easily
I still remember the first time i face it in Year 5
my heart feel so meng (i dunno how to describe in english but its sort of like down)
and it last for almost 2 weeks non-stop
i dunno the real reason and its exam time
i thought is because of the exam
but after the exam it didn't died out
until after the holidays start then things get better
but the results of the exam is amazing. the best results since year 3
and i never get such results or anywhere near the results ever again
now i am facing it again
though not for 2 weeks
but its already taking a toll on me
sometimes i can't concentrate on studies
how come i am such a great WORRIER
But anyway please pray for me
I can't specify my problems yet
Coz the time haven't arrive yet to do so
God knows it and i believe He will provide the best

Bek to labuan again

somehow i juz dun like coming bek here. too many to leave behind
but wat to do for the sake of studying
anyway this time a subscribe broadband liao
at least can online sometimes n read some news anyway
before i came to labuan i'm an avid news reader
from politics to electronics i juz read anything with the condition
the title is INTERESTING
sometimes i'm juz amaze how creative those editors are
juz arranging few simple words can change how the article sell
i spent several minutes juz to think a title n yet still can't get a good one
anyway 2moro will be an extremely busy day
many homework to do
have to do self study first otherwise can't do
juz becoz of my useless physics lecturer
can't understand wat he is talking so have to study own lo
only thing will take a long time to understand if study own
tonight still can't gather the courage yet to study
hopefully can rest more
hopefully 2moro can do more efficiently
haiz... till now still think of things bek home
can't help it
my eyelids dropping liao
goodnight