My best birthday ever...

Normally during the past birthday, for me is just a normal day for me. My sis n my friends will wish me happy birthday. Of course some of them will prepare some suprises for me. N that's it. My parents normally will only me happy birthday late night when my sis tell them. But i do understand they are just too busy. That's why sometimes if i don't take note of the date, the birthday will just past like tat only realizing it some other day. But this year is different. For the first time i celebrate it out of Sarikei n i 've never been so excited bout it. My 5s1 friends have book me a week earlier for fear others will get me first. Our venue: mom's snow house, a kinda higher class restaurant in Labuan. Well, how do i feel? Of course happy ba. But other then that i think it's undescribable. Really thank you all for that wonderful birthday. By the way wei chun is sitting beside hui min. I only realize i left him out after some time. Haha. Sorry. Anyway all the best for pspm. Let's speed up n cross the finishing line. Then bye bye Labuan.. Lalalala...

Death

yesterday was a sad day indeed
one of my friend's brother from my chirstian fellowship passed away in an accident
the brother was also an ex-KML student who study in last badge
and this guy according to our lecturer who lead the fellowship, Mr James was a very very devoted christian
the deceased was also a very hard gang of our seniors within the fellowship
somehow everybody seems to be shocked by the news and the atmosphere was so down during the fellowship
when we sing the songs of worship everybody seems to cry out for comfort to come upon us and our friend whose brother passed away
well after the worship, Mr James juz share all the experience that he and the deceased had
its juz wonderful to have such student but suddenly he is juz gone
then we have some refreshment prepared by the lecturer's wife
then the senior start sharing all their experience
then all of such start sharing too
surprisingly in the fellowship have similar experience of losing their love ones. their siblings, mothers, aunties and so on
somehow everybody becomes emotional
wonder why God take all these good people so early
all these bring me to the almost similar memories that i have few year back
those miri people who served in our church but on their way bek God take them away
i shared God won't let death happened juz like that
God always has His purpose
eventhough u might not see it now but God's plan is always the best
After those who die in the accident few years back
their famil members became stronger and stronger in Christ
their relatives come to know Christ
I still remember a pastor who shared
when the pastor's younger brother passed away as a small but strong christian
his family come to know Christ
twenty years later his father dies, but then his relatives start coming to Christ
Why it is so
by human thinking, people will think
Hey, who is this God who can't even protect His own believers
But in reality the opposite happens
till now i still can't understand why is it so
I can only say, God, how amazing are Your ways
and i really thank God
last night is the first night i start to feel the warmth that lies within the fellowship
everyone start to share something close to their hearts and give each other encouragements
though i really miss all of my church gangs bek in sarikei
but thank God is building another gang for me here
i am really grateful
but of course i will be here for only bout a little more than half year
i really pray i will find another great big family of God like here and in sarikei too when i go to uni
and also my best friend too will find hers too.
that all's
Juz remember our God is the God of everything inculding death
be strong and have faith in Him

Frustrated

Sometimes it really difficult to believe that God ask u to believe in
Each and every time when things happens, even the small small one
i would juz stumble
Many at times i ask God is wat U ask me to believe in still relevant
or is it all the past times wat i believe in juz come from my own
But things certainly doesn't goes that way
WHY??
Immediately after i ask that question other events will juz happen and restore my faith
is not juz one or two times
there are juz too many for me to deny it
but i really hope wat i believe in will one day come true
there are juz too much hope i put in it
each time i stumble
i rise up again to put more and more faith in it
Sometimes i am really afraid if wat i wish for won't come true
I may have strong faith but when things happen my heart is juz so weak
i hate going through those moment
i try my best to avoid and shorten it
but wat to do
it's my weakness
Everything around me juz seems prefect
i got very blessed and loving family
not juz my family, those relatives are extremely good to me
i heard lots and lots of stories and complaints about their grandparents and relatives from my friends
but when it comes to me i got none
in fact they will volunteer to help even without me asking for those
my family too quite wealthy
i can get almost anything i need as long as i ask for it
myself good in studies
many friends
and there are many too whom i can trust and will always be willing to help me
i can further my studies with funding from gov eventhough my family earn well
but in spite of all these
there are this small little weakness that has haunt me for years
i dunno how many years its going to haunt me and i know God has provided the best for me
but its juz suffering to wait for years
but again that's the reason my faith grow
that's the reason i put my trust in Him
that's how He guard me
Haiz...
I juz can't get it
i get down-hearted so easily
I still remember the first time i face it in Year 5
my heart feel so meng (i dunno how to describe in english but its sort of like down)
and it last for almost 2 weeks non-stop
i dunno the real reason and its exam time
i thought is because of the exam
but after the exam it didn't died out
until after the holidays start then things get better
but the results of the exam is amazing. the best results since year 3
and i never get such results or anywhere near the results ever again
now i am facing it again
though not for 2 weeks
but its already taking a toll on me
sometimes i can't concentrate on studies
how come i am such a great WORRIER
But anyway please pray for me
I can't specify my problems yet
Coz the time haven't arrive yet to do so
God knows it and i believe He will provide the best

Bek to labuan again

somehow i juz dun like coming bek here. too many to leave behind
but wat to do for the sake of studying
anyway this time a subscribe broadband liao
at least can online sometimes n read some news anyway
before i came to labuan i'm an avid news reader
from politics to electronics i juz read anything with the condition
the title is INTERESTING
sometimes i'm juz amaze how creative those editors are
juz arranging few simple words can change how the article sell
i spent several minutes juz to think a title n yet still can't get a good one
anyway 2moro will be an extremely busy day
many homework to do
have to do self study first otherwise can't do
juz becoz of my useless physics lecturer
can't understand wat he is talking so have to study own lo
only thing will take a long time to understand if study own
tonight still can't gather the courage yet to study
hopefully can rest more
hopefully 2moro can do more efficiently
haiz... till now still think of things bek home
can't help it
my eyelids dropping liao
goodnight

Frus cannot download naruto

haiz... i dunno why the download always stops after some time. spend so many hours trying all kinds of link but in the end not sucessful at all.
but anyway its almost one month i ahve been here. everything is quite ok here juz too boring sometimes. at times i really dun feel like studying but juz dunno wat to do. wan sleep also cannot too noisy. so in the end still study but normally go either zhin liang's or albert's room to study.
albert zhin liang n arnold study really hard. see them so hardworking sometimes really got stress la. they memorized almost everything for biology. but of coz this is juz the starting. dunno how can they cope after they learn more things. if me it will drive me crazy.
luckily i choose physics. physics also got lots of memorizing but far less then biology. so far still quite ok. as long as u know how to derive the formula its no that hard. that why sometimes i find the lecture boring. but most of the time is becoz the lecturer say too much fei hua. but anyway i will try to master it.
talking bout physics, yesterday we have our first quiz. haiz.... its disasterous. i dun even no whether i will pass or not. that lecturer very tricky. easy question he set the question in a very hard way and give us 6 minutes only to answer that 3 questions. actually its posible to do those in such a short time if u realize the trick. but we do it a very long way and in the end not enough time cannot get the answer.
and the informatics last. really ma fan. the lecturer ask us to do presentation on a particular physics topic. my group get chapter 9: simple harmonic motion. i go through it i dun understand most of the parts. have to read the previous chapters before u can understand. haiz... to lazy la. imagine 9 chapters. if read through no need go class liao lo. wasting time. but i'm too lazy to go through. wat for?? wasting so much effort to study ur own then go hear those boring lectures again. haiz... but really stuck. dunno wat to present. see firs la. if no choice have read lo.
haha this saturday kee hui's birthday. wonder wat to do to bully him. but i will only have the chance to laugh. danny's them sure have some evil plans in mind. but the condition here maybe wont allow do all those things.
danny one use my laptop. see ya

At last can do some blogging

At last, after 2 meeks of absence i found some free time to do some blogging. anyway almost 2 weeks without surfing is indeed dreadful. i felt partially disconnected to the world. everything that i pursue in the pass, stories on politics, electronics, h1n1, windows 7 and many many more juz stop the day before the day i went to matrix. anyway quite a frustrating one.
but thank God i adapt quite well here. for the first 2 days really disaster. felt so homesick. u know why??? juz imagine sleeping at bout 12 midnight wake up 4 in the morning. have to go do exercise and hear those boring ceramah. some quite interesting but others really monotonous. in some sessions i even fall asleep though not a soundly one.
however somehow it relates to my neglecgence of the bible the first 2 days. i really can't help it. too tired sleepy n no time. i always tell myself to read the bible and pray sometime but it seems tat my exhaustion has overcome me. right after tidy up i directly fall on to my bed n sleep. those two days really frustrating. my mood becomes extremely not good. though those facsilators are not as bad as i thought esspecially the boys side quite ok la. dunno the girls side. mee mee seems frus bout the condition there.
but the turn around came when i finally try my best n spend some time reading the bible n pray. the results blast me of. though still very tired but my mood get better. i start to look things in the more positive way. even when i was punish to dance in front of 2000++ students juz becoz one of my roomates didn't off the fans before he went out, i juz dun feel angry at all. if the previous day i sure i will say all the bad things bout him in my heart. but surprisingly i dun even have tat kind of anger. its totally a zero anger tat i myself surprised. so remeber to read the bible and pray everyday.
the following week the studies start. my deputy director say orientation is nothing. after the orientation closing ceremony he said: "welcome to the coolest part of hell." meaning studies are the real challenge we have to face. luckily it not hard for me. still got time to relax. n indeed i can catch up quite easily. juz some parts a bit complex. luckily most of my lectures are good. a get more chinese lecturers than anyone else. my physics tutorial lecturer though a malay, commands good english and physics eventhough he major in biology in his uni. So quitely smooth experience for me here. but of course sometimes still miss home so much. though i might not talk a lot with my family at home but somehow i really miss their companion. n also all of my friends n churchmates, esspecially my best friend rachel. long time too no chat with elton. miss so much. yesterday night i look at some pics for 5s1. really miss so much all the time we have together. but leaving childhood friend is a must for most of us. we have to grow up. however looking back to the past is really a motivating thing for me. it teach me to value every opportunity tat God gives. this opportunity will also eventually become a past, so why no value it and squeeze out the best memories out of it. of course there are bad memories too but that will also be a lesson in the future not to repeat the same mistake.
anyway specially directed to my best friend. i read ur blog juz now. some indeed good memories for u and some not so good ones. but anyway continue to have faith in God. No need to say sorry for whatever guilt u have for me. i know how u feel and know wat u are facing. actually somehow, i dunno, both of us are made to be same, so i know more bout u juz by feelings. i am sure u are the same. both of us are made to be refuge for each other. so dun feel guilt for whatever u try to hide, i also have something i hide from u also. but somehow by feeling u might know wat i am hiding too. juz remember we are the refuge for each other. happiness n joy both of us might not necessarily have to share together, but grievances, sadness, disappointments n maybe even break downs in our lives we will go through together under the guildance of God. so be sure to continue to have faith in God. eventhough we might far away from each other but juz pray n feel, God will lead us. Be happy always n dun put me above God when u need refuge. remember both of us are instruments of God that He provides for each other, so dun put instruments above their Owner.
Anyway that's it. Happy not alone here. So many friends from 5s1 n new friends. dun so xie mu, juz remember Jesus is our best Friend n as long as we remain as His best friend, He will provide us with all we need.

Last Night in Sarikei, at least with so many friends around

Its late night and i will be going 2moro.
so juz a short one.
Yesterday and today is really a great test for me.
I am leaving Sarikei anyway for Labuan.
But most importantly is what happen on Friday, the night jpa was announce.
Anyway right after i receive news from A Tong at three that jpa will be announced at 5pm , I juz felt all of a sudden I need to pray.
Though this time is not for myself though I hope I can get it.
It's for someone else.
I tell God that He has done something unexpected and really seems impossible to our SPM results and really somehow I really dun think we should get such results.
So since He has dun something impossible, let Him show us miracle too for jpa.
I pray really hard for about 2 hours.
And u see results are indeed a miracle.
I was extremely happy when i knew the results. God answered my prayer with the answer YES.
Though I didn't get it, but the one who need it the most gets it.
So the lesson is really whatever God do is always the best for us. Whether is good or bad in our eyes, we must learn to see things with the eyes of faith.
And not only that, because of one person praying for juz one matter or another person many others too will be blessed too. U never know how God works.
Remember the story of Abraham pleading for Sodom and Gommorah.
Abraham ask God if He will the 2 cities if there are 50 innocent people in them. God says He would spare the whole city for the sake of those 50 people.
Then Abraham ask again is there is 45, then 40, 30, 20 and 10. God's answer is still the same.
For the sake of even 10 people God will spare them all.
So remember God will change even the whole world juz for the sake of u, praying and seeking Him.
And becoz of that many others will be blessed.
How amazing is our Father.
So put ur trust fully in Him. Even though things seem hopeless, there is always a way prepare by God. The only question is really are u really willing to believe that there is that way out.
I may be going but for all of my friends, thanks for supporting me always. I know there are times i have done wrongly but i sincerely hope for ur forgiveness.
I really dun like to say farewell but things are like that. When time comes, we have to face it.
Bye my friends, but i believe with God's will we will meet again somewhere, someday.
And really to my very special friend, I really dun wat to express but i am sure deep in ur heart u know wat i wan to say.
That's all, Good Night and Farewell.